Ooo-ooo-wooo-ooo-ooh
Ooo-ooo-ooh

I met him in a crowded room
Where people go to drink away their gloom
He sat me down and so began
The story of a charmless man

Educated the expensive way
He knows his Claret from his Beaujolais
I think he'd like to have been Ronnie Kray
But then, nature didn't make him that way (that way)

Na na na na naaaaaa na naaaa-ah
Na na na na na na naaaaaa na naaaa-ah

He thinks he's educated, airs those family shares (Ooo-ooo-wooo-ooo-ooh)
Will protect him, (Ooo-ooo-ooh) that we'll respect him 
He moves in circles of friends 
Who just pretend (Ooo-ooo-wooo-ooo-ooh) that they like him (Ooo-ooo-ooh)
He does the same to them
And when you put it all together, there's the model of a charmless man

Na na na na naaaaaa na naaaa-ah
Na na na na na na naaaaaa na naaaa-ah

He knows the swingers and their cavalry
Says he can get in anywhere for free
I began to go a little cross-eyed
And from this charmless man I just had to hide (away)

Na na na na naaaaaa na naaaa-ah
Na na na na na na naaaaaa na naaaa-ah

He talks at speed, he gets nosebleeds
He doesn't see (Ooo-ooo-wooo-ooo-ooh) his days are tumbling 
Down upon him (Ooo-ooo-ooh)
And yet he tries so hard to please
He's just so keen (Ooo-ooo-wooo-ooo-ooh) for you to listen (Ooo-ooo-ooh)
But no one's listening 
And when you put it all together, there's the model of a charmless man

[Bouncy guitar solo]
[Something mumbled in background (sounds like "it's no fair, but do we care?")]

He thinks he's educated, airs those family shares (Ooo-ooo-wooo-ooo-ooh)
Will protect him (Ooo-ooo-ooh), that you'll respect him
And yet he tries so hard to please
He's just so keen (Ooo-ooo-wooo-ooo-ooh) for you to listen (Ooo-ooo-ooh)
But no one's listening
And when you put it all together, there's the model of a charmless man

Na na na na naaaaaa na naaaa-ah
Na na na na na na naaaaaa na naaaa-ah
Na na na na na na naaaaaa na naaaa-ah
Na na na na na na naaaaaa na na na na na naaaaaa na na na na na naaaaaa na naah